falling in

I should cherish it, they say
if only that it was a possibility
that went astray, yes
but that it existed at all
to show me where I can go
where I will go
when it is right
so they say

and I remind myself this as I lay down at night
and I drift off with my hands clasped
together
hoping
sending out an S.O.S.
my pillow soaks and sees-thru me
the words not taking hold of my brain
even when they are repeated every night since then

since when
I
knew
I was
falling

in ....


and
the saddest part is
my heart hasn't yet figured out
that you
aren't here.